August 5, 2009

Dear family and friends,

I text those of you whom can receive text messages with the basic news already, but here are the details.

It was a big surprise that I do need chemo; there were several factors, none of them good.  The $4,000 test done in San Francisco confirmed I need moderate therapy lasting 3 to 4 months (extreme therapy is for other cancers).  I will be bald and if I am not careful, will gain weight.  This will be followed by 6 weeks of radiation and 5+ years of medication.

I have the best of the best at Mass General.  My doctors are awesome.  I will have 4 chemo treatments that are 3 weeks apart.  These treatments will begin on  Aug 17 and they will be on the Sept 8th, Sept 28^th and Oct 19^th.  Radiation starts a month later and is 5 days a week for 6 weeks, 30 sessions total.  So that will begin in mid-November and continue until around Christmas.  Then I need 6 – 8 weeks of recovery time.  So during Jan and Feb I must continue to “rest.”  We are delaying the chemo a week so I can go to my high school reunion.

My surgery has healed very well and my current state of health is great, considering.  This is because I do an hour or more of yoga a day and walk 2-6 miles most days AND, most importantly, I have as much fun as I can.

Tonight is a free outdoor concert, tomorrow dinner with friends, followed by hanging out at a music club in Cambridge. Later this weekend I am going to a drive in movie with a big group of folks.  Sunday I am going mountain climbing.  This is what keeps me going and keeps me healthy.  Yes there are days I spend in bed and yesterday I ate a quart of low fat ice cream and little else, but for the most part I take good care of myself, which is what it will take to get through this.

I have very supportive friends who help me laugh when laughing is not so easy.  It will work out in the end. No worries.

Love to all,

Christine

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Damn, that sucks. I was so hoping that you’d be able to avoid chemo. I’m so sorry to hear that. On the other hand, it’s a good thing that you got the expensive test because by all means it’s better to know as much as possible so you can aggressively treat this now. Treatments a month apart sound much better than having to do it every week. Thank goodness that you can still go to the reunion and that you will continue to have as much fun as possible.

The yoga, walks and taking good care of yourself is the best part. I believe this is the silver bullet for a good life. Hang in there!
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August 5, 2009

Dear family and friends,

I know the whole idea of chemo sounds awful and in many ways it is — BUT if there is just one little cancer cell hiding somewhere it’s next stop is most likely my liver, bones or lungs.  These are VERY bad cancers.  So, in a way, I wanted to have chemo to prevent this.

Many women opt to have their entire breast removed to lower the chance of cancer returning to that breast to just 1%, I have a 3% chance of cancer returning to just that side.  I am okay with that. I am not okay with lung, bone or liver cancer.

So please, while this is a total bummer, it is okay too.  In November, I will have been sick for three years.  That is when my foot ailment started to become serious.  Remember how hard it was for me to walk for almost two years?  I was raped 2 ½ years ago and my PTSD is under control.  I still battle depression, but everyday I learn more.  My coping skills are probably better than most, I know what I need to do to get better, not that I do it all the time, but I do know what to do.  I am not afraid.

Anyone who sleeps through pre-op is pretty calm.  I doubt I will flip out during chemo.

Love to all,

Christine

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Thank you for sending us updates. I am so glad that I can be part of your “fun filled summer”.

Thank you for this update and for the text messages yesterday; it meant a lot to me. You are doing all the right things, especially having FUN with friends.  May I sign up to be one of the ones you can call who can make you laugh, or at least smile (I may not be that funny, but I do try!)?

Much love to you – enjoy the friends and the outdoors – my spirit is always with you.

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A few weeks after surgery, I went to Vegas with my closest friend.  It was much needed girl time and mental preparation for what lay ahead.  I slept during the day and we played at night.  She was a rock through my treatment.

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Two days before chemo started, I went to my 30th high school reunion.  Long before the reunion we started to communicate through Facebook.  I developed friendships with people who wrote in my yearbook, “We never talked, but I heard you were nice.”  We hadn’t seen each other since 10th reunion, but slowly bonds were formed.

I couldn’t bring myself to tell people I had been sick for almost three years and was starting chemo in two days, so I told the partial truth, “I have been just hanging out with friends, playing, traveling and enjoying life. Things are pretty good.”  Some people knew, but I wanted to enjoy the weekend.

As I continued my treatment journey, more and more high school friends became part of my “team”.  The support was overwhelming.  We formed a Facebook page for the town I lived in while in high school, it was such a special place, Fair Haven isn’t big enough to be a town — it is a borough.  Over a thousand people joined, talking about our favorite memories and places.  I reconnected with old neighbors and new people.  Hometown pride swelled, resulting in shared daily smiles and giggles.

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August 17, 2009

Dear friends and family,

After a glorious weekend, the ‘fun’ begins.

Yesterday’s medications were great for staying awake and alert for driving back from NJ, but terrible for sleeping. Three days of those fun pills. I will be back from Mass General in about 4-5 hours. LONG DAY, but I get to bring music, DVDs, etc. It won’t be too bad.

I can’t have flowers this time because of possible germs (?)

But prayers, positive thoughts and emails will help

Love to all,

Christine

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Here’s sending you big time prayers and tons of positive thoughts.  Love you girlfriend.  Hang in there and know that we all care so much about you.

Will send you lots of positive thoughts!

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August 17, 2009

Dear family and friends,

On my way to my chemo appointment, I was walking through the Public Gardens thinking about all the people who care enough to want to how I am doing and I smiled.  All the folks at the reunion who want to offer their support and the many hugs I have received regularly from my terrific friends since my diagnosis make me feel warm and loved.

A man stopped me to tell he could feel my smile as I passed and asked if he could sing me a song about smiles.  He wanted me to know that my smile made his day. He sang a beautiful gospel song, then told me my prayers were taken care of because he is “tight with God.”  A nice way to start the day.  Now in the Cancer Center, a warm place to hang out between steps.

Love you all,

Christine

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That is so great! I feel your smile permeating your email note. Best of luck with therapy today Have a beautiful day!!

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August 17, 2009

Dear family and friends,

Thank you for the prayers, love and warm thoughts you sent to me.  I felt them all.  I was so relaxed I slept.  I was there from 11:00 AM for testing, chemo started at 2:30 and it ended at 6:00.  I asked the nurse if that was normal, for people to sleep through the whole thing, ah no, apparently deep relaxation is not part of this procedure.

Glad this is over, three to go.

Love to all,

Christine

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You have a knack for accentuating the positive and this attitude is a joy & a gift & an example to the rest of us.

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August 24, 2009

Dear family and friends,

First; thank you for the emails, phone calls and prayers (positive thoughts or whatever)  These all help.

I was hoping to write a letter saying something like. “the worst is over and it wasn’t that bad.”  But that wouldn’t be honest and it would not give a very accurate description of what this is really like.

There is a drug given the day after chemo that “stimulates the bone marrow” so that it produces more white blood cells to help fight infection.  If you have very healthy bone marrow this is very painful, actually worse than childbirth. This pain starts deep in your bones and radiates through your body in waves.  I didn’t understand what was happening until I was curled up on the floor sobbing.   Nothing helps but lot’s of pain medication, which in itself is no fun.  Next time two Percocet and three Motrin at the first twinge of pain. I have VERY healthy bone marrow and most likely will need this medication again.  So I hope not to go through this pain cycle again.

I did go to a concert on Wednesday which is about 4 blocks from my condo.  Yesterday I drove to watch hurricane waves (disappointing) and then spent the afternoon at a local pond. Afterward I came home to mind numbing pain.  I still walk 2-6 miles most days of the week and practice yoga.  Being active is important, but because this so overwhelming, I spent today in bed.  Hope I feel strong enough to take a walk tomorrow.

It will get better.

Love to all,

Christine

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August 31, 2009

Hair today………

Dear family and friends,

Well it took less than 12 hours (that includes a good night of sleep).  It basically came out by brushing, washing and blowing my hair out. I took scissors and cut what remained.

I didn’t want to keep vacuuming my apartment as it fell out, worse I just hate when people come up to you and remove a piece of hair from you shirt.

Standing under the ceiling fan feels cool and relaxing.  I have a huge mess to clean up, but it can wait.  I have this good book……….

Love to all,

Christine

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Bald chicks rock

Humor and silver linings!!!  Words of advice… don’t forget the sunscreen if you go out topless.  The air may be cool, but the sun is not.

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September 3, 2009 – Hair

Dear family and friends,

Today was fun.  I got my new wig early this morning.  As you can see, I look a bit different than on Sunday.  The woman who runs the Cancer Center insisted on taking my picture with my phone so I could send it to my son right away. It isn’t on straight because I had been playing with hats.  And this is a bad picture, but you get the idea.

I wore it to the concert tonight and my friends kept walking past me, then calling to ask where I was sitting — same spot as always.  When I got there, the front row was pretty full, but us regulars make room for each other.  Nobody was willing to move, I was shocked.  Finally a friend recognized me and moved her bike so we could spread out our three blankets.  She got me a Boston Red Socks cap as a gift.

I went to the lady’s room and another front row regular figured out who I was and told me how great I looked.  Other people in line also recognized me just from seeing me every week, and they like my new look better, too.  I managed to hold up the line to the bathroom with that conversation.

Lastly I got in the elevator with a man from the 8th floor that I see occasionally.  Yesterday he saw me in a pink baseball cap with nothing underneath and sort of looked at me funny.  I was on the phone listening to someone and said nothing.  Tonight I got on the elevator with the same man.  He asked me if I was new to the building.

I am glad I got something very different.  Trying to match what I had would never have been the same.  I love this and how I feel in it.  This will be a fun few months.

I also have a teal wig is the same style and length as my old hair.  I promised to wear that to the next concert to make it easier for people to find me.

Wish I had a better picture; this is in front of one the computers in the Cancer Center.  It is a nice place with great people.

This is another part of the adventure. I was a bit worried about it.  But it was easier then expected.

Love you all,

Christine

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Your bright eyes and beautiful smile!

The dark wig is very sophisticated & very becoming.  What an inspiration (and courage) to try a whole new look.  We all (well all females) get tired of our “look” from time to time; sometimes we try things that fail miserably, other times we are wonderfully successful and we feel, younger, thinner or whatever “er” we want to see staring back at us from the mirror.

You look good, kiddo.   Your blue eyes are striking with the black hair.  Do you like it?

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September 4, 2009

Dear family and friends,

I started my acupuncture treatments today. It is at the hospital and coordinated with my doctors, which is cool.  I am going once a week on Fridays to be extra mellow on weekends.  It should help long term with the fatigue, pain etc.

Right now, I am rushing around trying to get everything done to be ready by Tuesday (next chemo treatment).  Laundry, food shopping, preparing meals in advance, cleaning…….but I still want to have some fun too.

The wig is hot.  It looks much better in person.  People have actually stopped me on the street to tell me I have a great haircut, never had that happen before.  It is a bit dramatic and requires makeup and large earrings.  I can get a free wig from the American Cancer Society and bring it back to Mass General for styling.  They have people trained by Vidal Sasson who work with the wigs.  My wig was custom cut for me; it didn’t look anything like that out of the box.

I am stressed about Tuesday, but I must admit I feel better about things after the acupuncture treatment.  My acupuncturist teaches the QiGong classes, which I love.  I was so excited to see him and he was happy to see me, once he figured out who the bald lady was.

Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend!

Love to all,

Christine

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September 8, 2009

Dear family and friends,

I had a private room with a bed, not a recliner.  Apparently I put my headphones on, pulled my hat over my eyes, burrowed under the blankets and did not move for hours.  Nice.

I feel terrible tonight after recent tension between me and my ex husbands (both) and another family problem has been wearing as well. I have sweats and chills, body aches, stomach pain but no temperature, so nothing to worry about. I actually got some ice cream but feel too sick to eat it — that really stinks. I have to be back at the hospital tomorrow anyway, so they can check things out.

The one blessing was a cute handmade hat Debra made for me.  I love it and wore on the sofa all night.  Couldn’t do this without my friends, you make this so much easier.  Thank you!

Love to all,

Christine
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Will pray for you.  It is important to have friends who care about you.

My daughter told me about your cancer; you are really brave. I wish you continue to be courageous and think of all the little beautiful little things in your life.

Love from Vienna

Thinking of you… I know this is difficult but it is not impossible…women are amazing beings…you are going to be “alright” you will get through this & come out even stronger & more positive then you were before xoxoxoxo hugs (a cancer survivor)

Keep on grooving. We all believe in you!

We are thinking of you, hoping you feel better Today!

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September 13, 2009

Dear family and friends,
After a pretty nasty week, I am feeling better.  Attached is a picture of me feeling better.  Thanks again for all the support; I could never do this alone.  Only two more treatments to go!

Love to all,

Christine

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October 1, 2009

Dear family and friends,

Well one treatment down, one to go.  Apparently you are not supposed to throw up after chemo, instead you can come in for hydration treatments, which is 2-3 hours of liquid and drugs by IV.  Honestly, I would rather vomit any day.  I went to two of the three scheduled treatments; I called today and said I just couldn’t do it.  I haven’t eaten much, but it seems okay.

I have much less energy and less pep than before.  The two weeks prior to treatment weren’t so hot either.  So I have no expectations of feeling like myself for awhile.  Thank goodness for the month off between chemo and radiation.  NJ and DC here I come!

My Dad was a real trooper.  Some movie he saw showed a person throwing up while getting chemo, so that is what he expected.  Instead we ate, watched a DVD and talked through the 5+ hour session.  He visited with my doctor too.  We took some nice walks, did lot’s of needed chores in my apartment and started to paint my kitchen — which looks so much better in white than mud – before my chemo.  This whole place was painted in a variety of shades of putty and mud, which were considered very fashionable by someone.  Light colors have made such a difference.
Small steps 

Love to all

Christine

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October 22, 2009

Dear family and friends,

My last chemo was Tuesday.  I had a hydration treatment today and will have another tomorrow.  They are just long and dull.  My mother came and we watched movies.  Then I have the bone pain to deal with this weekend (lot’s of good drugs for that) and it is DONE.  I “forgot” to take the steroids this time so I shouldn’t gain anymore weight (20 lbs so far) and should be happier soon.  I don’t like steroids.  The hydration treatments help lessen the side effects.  Weekly acupuncture is good too.  I am now in the cancer Pilates class, which I thought would be wimpy, but is not.  It is free for patients. QiGong is great too.

Next our Halloween party, DC, NJ and Great Barrington.  That fills my entire time off between chemo and radiation. Then it is five days a week of radiation for six weeks.  I’m not going anywhere then, but should have energy to go out.

Hair is a ways off, but I got these really cool buffs that are more comfortable than my hats or wig for indoors. They can be worn after this is over too.  Half the comments on the REI site were from serious athletes and half from cancer patients, kinda cool.

Love to all,

Christine

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You are a warrior and a fighter and an inspiration and someone I am honored calling a friend.

YOU ROCK

Follow the link below to read the next chapter in my personal journey…

• Radiation – November  – December 2009

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